An Unlaid Maid
(just change the age to whatever age your PC is. Might be favourable to skip a few verses for length.)

A pure young maid of seventeen I am,
And I have never once laid with a man,
But it's not through lack of trying,
And that is why I'm sighing,
And I'll tell you all about it if I can.

Chorus:
So I sing, oh dear, oh how can it be?
I can't find a man that will satisfy me.

Young Ragar looked so handsome I could weep,
With his hair of brown and eyes of blue so deep,
At the bar I got excited,
But my love went unrequited,
On the way back from the bar he fell asleep.

So I sing, oh dear, oh how can it be?
I can't find a man that will satisfy me.

On our farm a pretty ploughboy was employed,
I made a tryst that he could not avoid.
I took him to a shady wood,
But that did me no good,
for it was other pretty ploughboys he enjoyed.

So I sing, oh dear, oh how can it be?
I can't find a man that will satisfy me.

An old soldier showed an interest in my charms,
And I couldn't wait till I lay in his arms,
But as he tripped to my bed,
He tripped into the wall instead,
And it wasn't just his pride that came to harm.

So I sing, oh dear, oh how can it be?
I can't find a man that will satisfy me.

A merchant came to call one sunny morn,
Though I knew that he had been a rich man born,
In the farmer's straw we lay,
And I thought, "Today's the day!",
But it made him sneeze, so he could not perform.

So I sing, oh dear, oh how can it be?
I can't find a man that will satisfy me.

Just as the storms were wheezing, I'd a date,
With a jolly Bynner, I could hardly wait.
Hundred 'sid to him I paid,
But he left me still a maid!
And went drinking ale and brandy with his mates.

So I sing, oh dear, oh how can it be?
I can't find a man that will satisfy me.

So you can see that I am still intact,
Though it's certainly not effort that I've lacked.
When I've rumpled up my gown,
The men have let me down,
And I just can't do it all on my own back!

By Sugden & Nudds - The Kipper Family

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