What A Ball!
(during the" ..." you can gesture, clap, or knock your instrument - or simply change it for "laid". The original's choruses between each verse have been cut out for length.)

Four and twenty virgins, came down from Freil's res',
And when the ball was over, there were four and twenty less.

Balls to your partner, ass against the wall.
If you cannot get... on a ballparty night, you cannot get... at all.

The Lady was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.
The Lord was in the chambermaid - and she was in the money.

There was doin' in the kitchen, and doin' it on the stones.
Ya couldna' hear the music for the wheezin' and the groans.

Balls to your partner, ass against the wall.
If you cannot get... on a ballparty night, you cannot get... at all.

The village butcher, he was there, a cleaver in his hand.
And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band.

The merchant's wife, well, she was there, with her butt against the wall.
Put your money on the table, boys, 'cause I'm going to do you all.

Balls to your partner, ass against the wall.
If you cannot get... on a ballparty night, you cannot get... at all.

The village cripple he was there, can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself, and catching it in his hat.

The bride was in the bedroom talking to the groom.
The front! The front! And not the back, is the entrance to the womb!

(insert name) he was there, and he was smooth and slick,
Tallyin' up his score that night by notches on his prick.

(insert name) was also there, and he is Very Pure,
We think he has a pecker, lads, though no one's very sure!

(insert name) she was there, covered all in sweat,
Takin' on all comers, and she hasn't finished yet!

(insert name) he was there, all filled up with lust,
He'd had so many lassies that his pecker just shot dust.

(insert name) he was there, that rowdy rantin' bloke.
Masturbatin' all by himself with a backhand double stroke.

Balls to your partner, ass against the wall.
If you cannot get... on a ballparty night, you cannot get... at all.

When the ball was over, everyone confessed,
The dancin' was exquisite, but the doin' was the best!

Traditional (the original,"Gathering of the Clans", has a lot more verses with many variations, many of them quite hilarious)

Back to the song index